alice said i was only allowed ice cream if i promised not to listen to gangnam style but i refuse to compromise 

You: would be gutted if you did a successful text post and it was in this chat format so your url doesn't show on it follow www.hotsuburbandad.tumblr.com


i just ate four plates of pasta and an ice cream shake

i told your boyfriend i often think about sitting on his face and i am very sorry i didnt realize he was in a relationship BC I DIDNT EVEN CARE ENOUGH TO CHECK HIS LINKS!! IM SORRY!!!! YOU ARE SO CUTE TOGETHER IM SORRY BYE!!!!!


awwh thats ok man I know that feel hehe its just a weird sitch I dont blame ya personally tho whoever u are



Petition for anonymous tumblr users to stop trying to have sex with/marry/sit on my bf through asks you can be as astrologically compatible as you like hes mine

a powerful combination 

i wanna be ur friend // mutual so bad

tbh i follow people back at random times have a good url a good blog and a tagged/me and i prolly will eventually sorry im v lazy

How tall are you? I bet your not short. You are also very attractive and funny sir, I would like to marry you or maybe something.

im 5ft 6 so maybe not short and thank u :3

What do you mean you asked her and she said no?

tbh i made that up. her jokes ‘cant be written down’ ¬†

Do you have a girlfriend?

i asked her and she said no

I want to rub mustard on you, you saucy gnome.

please i am not

Ok, may I suck your dick?

you should have done that in lunch break half an hour ago

cum in my mouth, baby!

honky honk

Will you be my beautiful human toilet?

im watching a playlist of the top 100 most popular youtube videos today and its almost as grim as this message